Updates about us and how I feel about all of it:

Joshua is still in the Army, and is stationed in South Korea. I miss him terribly but am surviving here at home. I even am checking the fluids in van, even the tranny fluid. LOL

Andy is 19 now and in college full time, and he has a girlfriend. I am still getting used to that idea. She is real nice, though and I like her. Most of the time, except when she acts like she knows everyhting and tells me how to do something that I have been doing just fine for all of my adult years. Then I get a little pissed off. For instance the other day she was talking about how her mom folds socks and acted like it was how I should do it, too... excuse me!? I think I know how to fold socks. Ok, I know that bugged me a bit and maybe even too much, but it is just little things like that that get to me. She is also very good in English and likes to correct grammar, etc... UGH! Another thing that bugs me. She also tends to let Andy do first with everything, like fixing his dinner plate and he walks ahead of her. Is that because she feels insecure and needs to let him lead or what? I asked Andy if he was in Iran or something and she had to walk behind him and he said "no." Ok, so I don't know why, but it bugs me. I am such a feminist so things that even look remotely non-feminist bother me. Otherwise she is a really nice girl and I think she and Andy make a nice couple and I only wish for them to be happy. I taught her how to make my meatloaf the other day. I know Andy does not like any other meatloaf besides mine and my SIL, Cathy's, so I figure she should know how to make it. She wanted to know anyway. I do worry about grandbabies, since I don't think either of them are ready for that responsibility but I wouldn't mind being a grandma either. They are using protection so I guess I will have to trust them on this.

As far as myself, I am in school and feeling very inferior there... in a few classes. I am failing one class and not doing so good in another. Maybe I should not have taken these classes. I will have to probably retake one of them. Unfortunately it will be the same teacher and I do NOT like her. I am also taking a correspondence course that I have not done diddly in. I guess I need to get crackin' on that as well. I am so ready to drop out of school. Part of me wants to and part of me wants to stay and say, "See, I can finish what I start." I am just such a runner and this is another of my ways to run from stuff. I need to stay put and actually finish this.

I am listening to Christmas music right now and loving it. I sing right along with the music and it makes me feel good.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow." LOL

It is suppose to snow this weekend. I actually could handle at least 3 or 4 feet of snow. I think I would like to see that.

What Matters Most
by Oriah Mountian Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't intrest me what planets are squaring you. I want to know if you hvae touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know id you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from it's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and dispair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me whom you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.